Hearts 2†† Dunfermline 0



Well well well.†† Only one game lost to Dunfermline in the last fourteen.†† Ahahahaha.†† Sweet sweet feeling.††† Beating a team like Dunfermline is always good; nature approves.††† Beating Celtic and Rangers is obviously supreme, partly because it happens so rarely these days (and younger folks might not realise that Hearts have had impressive winning runs against them in the last ten years) but also because you feel nature has been defied, the natural order has been upset, youíve scored an away goal in lifeís rich crapestry.†† That may sound very defeatist, but Celtic and Rangers are beaten by very few Scottish clubs nowadsys, and Heartsí failure to do so is no reflection on our merit.†† ††Losing only one in fourteen to Dunfermline, however, is a useful marker of Heartsí worth.††† This season we have beaten Aberdeen three times.††† We have won, drawn and lost against Hibernian.††† Dundee continue as a Hearts benefit, while United have deserved their luck and won at Tynecastle twice, while Heartsí away record stands up very well.†† So whilst we think we have seen some sublime football this season, courtesy of Fuller, and some unbelievably poor stuff, courtesy of a list too long to include here, the actual fact is that itís been an averagely all right season.††† Even the hammerings have been low-scoring.†† The usual weasels in the Scottish media have snidely pointed out that McKennaís our top scorer, and top of the pops this week is Badly Drawn Conclusion.†† Number One error is that heís scored a few when played as a striker (and Blue Square lost a packet at offering him as 50-1 first goalscorer against Rangers, not realising what position he was going to play) and Number Two error is that Hearts have an impressive spread of scorers Ė Flogel is the only notable culprit/absentee (ďcowís arse in danger from Flogelís banjoĒ was one of the impressive suggestions of Unlikeliest Headline) Ė and Hearts are fourth-top goalscorers throughout the League, proving that we need Fuller as much for the width and pace he gives as for his goals.†† ††


Like everyone else, no-one hereabouts has any idea what the next season will be like.††† Personally, I think that Fulton has proved his worth to Hearts this season and against Dunfermline he and Flogel were head and shoulders above anyone else on the park in terms of technique and determination.††† To lose both would be a horrible shock to Heartsí midfield, where possession is ten-tenths of the football law.Hearts are in serious danger of losing the spine of the team by losing players who donít just sit around and wait for their moment.†† Fulton and Hearts got lucky today, because Maheís early exit allowed The Fat God Himself onto the pitch after 20 minutes, and he proceeded to enjoy himself to the full, aided by a Hearts team who, though clueless in themselves, were enthusiastic enough to go for it.†† We outbattled Dunfermline, and thatís a very heartening feeling.†† Webster and McKenna played positively and solidly, andSeverin put in a power of good work.The closer he plays to the oppositionís goal, the happier he is, - and the happier I am, too.††† Iíll forward a point of view hitherto unsubscribed:†† I think Stephen Simmonds is a vital cog in a good Hearts team.†† Heís got huge talent, yeah.†† Heís also very dirty, I know that.†† I also know he can stand around, or drift, or do not very much.††† But his movement makes other Hearts players move.†† He is never very far away from the ball, and his little touches and flicks keep Hearts alive, and my biggest fear is that Hearts will be a team of defenders and midfielders and attackers, never venturing from their usual furrow.†† Simmondsí style of play Ė lazy you can call it, or just watching to see where he thinks the play will be going if you like Ė encourages a more fluid game of football which (if someone like Fulton is on the park) is to Heartsí advantage.††† Simmonds is, of course, still only 19, and hopefully people are not going to be shouting abuse at him from Section F.†† ††Or at least not for a couple of years yet.


I am quite aware that the opinions expressed under this by-line are worth no more than anyone elseís, but Alan Maybury, despite his youth, is not likely to get any better.††† Thatís particularly worrying because heís shite.††† Nae brains, and not a whole heap of ability either.††† We buried Austin McCann (and Kenny Milneís not feeling very well either) and Iím afraid young Mr M simply hasnít the savvy to make Hearts better.†† In fact, he consistently puts Hearts under pressure, and we canít expect Niemi to save every penalty Maybury gives away.††† For sure, it was glorious when it was saved, made more so by Kirkís goal following Fullerís sublime twist, turn away and carefully measured pass, but at one goal up Hearts had it in the bag and Alan Mayburyís idiocy could have thrown it all away and I wouldnít now be addressing the nation with such deep joy.†††† As I speak, Hibernian are about to engage in a bitter struggle with Motherwell for the prestigious 10th place slot.†††† Attention, all you Hibs scum down there!†† Yes, you know who I am!††† Iím up here, looking down at you down there!