Not-so-merry go round in Gorgie's Vlad world

IT'S difficult to decide who took the biggest public beating last week: Vladimir Romanov or Pete Doherty. You might remember pictures of said rock star in the papers after he took a slight pasting from a photographer, images that really should have seen his band Babyshambles renamed Bloodyshambles.

Well, coincidentally, that's exactly what Romanov has turned Hearts into. The managerial merry-go-round has been replaced by the managerial waltzers at Tynecastle, and Vlad the bad has all the cars spinning again after replacing Valdas Ivanauskas with Eduard Malofeev. Significant unrest within the dressing room, too. Clearly, being bumped off to Rugby Park is a more disturbing prospect than we first thought.

I'm not much of a waltzers fan and have to confess that all the recent commotion has left me feeling rather queasy [it's all right, I'll soldier on without the two weeks off]. Friday was supposed to be an ordinary day, but that was before Steven Pressley, Paul Hartley and Craig Gordon intervened.

Sitting watching big Elvis deliver that monumental statement, the enormity of what was taking place began to sink in. Last time I could recall being so captivated was when Rangers were rumoured to be chasing a Dutch defender named Ernest Faber. At the time, Bert Konterman was bungling around at Ibrox, so you can imagine the hilarity at the prospect of a defence containing Bert and Ernie.

Leaving Riccarton knowing that total carnage was ensuing at Hearts brought significant concern, though. This was only magnified when news emerged that Romanov had threatened to sell everyone to Kilmarnock. Surely no crime is befitting of such frightening punishment. And what about the Kaunas players (ie most of the squad)? What would give Romanov the right to decide their futures? The suspicion that he runs Lithuania, perhaps? Who knows.

Yet personally there was a smattering of consolation at escaping from Hearts' training academy without cracking up. Being rather claustrophobic, avoiding getting jammed in a revolving door by Romanov was quite an achievement. But it was obvious to everyone that Pressley's words would divert the country's gaze to Tynecastle for the following afternoon's match with Dunfermline, and few would have batted an eyelid if Malofeev had emerged from the tunnel to Darth Vader-style music before his first game in charge.

This car crash-style sideshow to the SPL season has the whole of Scotland engrossed, for it is virtually unheard of for players to issue statements in criticism of their club's owner. Okay, Fergus McCann is a natural exception. But even Dunfermline, without a manager themselves, were given very little attention on Saturday despite Jim Leishman's 'tacheless, sorry tasteless, defection back to the boardroom.

You have to wonder where all the disruption in Gorgie leaves the title race. Will it be Celtic, Hearts or Rangers come next May? I'm tempted to lean towards Kilmarnock. Come January, their team could have undergone a complete transformation: Gordon in goal, a back four of Tall, Pressley, Goncalves and ... er, Gordon Greer. On second thoughts ...

We should expect a few more periods of bad PR for Romanov before the end of the season. And seeing Ivanauskas again is looking more and more a fading possibility. Health spa in Kaunas, or pressure cooker in Edinburgh. Which would you choose?

Taken from the Scotsman