HOW DO YOU LIFT LADS AFTER THAT CELTIC LOSS?

IT'S the day before the derby and Hearts are in turmoil. Again. The manager of FBK Kaunas, Eugenijus Riabovas, is cutting about Riccarton and rumours are running wild that he will soon be the next boss of Heart of Midlithuania.

Valdas Ivanauskas is on sickleave and still not back, despite assurances he would be this week. The manager of Vladimir Romanov's other team turns up out of the blue...well it doesn't take Eugenijus to work it out, does it?

It does, however, require some clarity. Someone to speak not only about that situation but about how Hearts have recovered from the stunning blow of losing two goals in the last five minutes to Celtic at the weekend and, of course, about how they are going to tackle Hibs at Easter Road in tonight's televised CIS Cup quarter-final.

This has the hallmarks of an absolute cracker and the league encounter between the two Edinburgh clubs three weeks ago was arguably the match of the season.

Plenty to talk about then, you'd think, and Eduard Malofeev, he of the flashing eyes and flailing arms, would be just the man to do it. Except he wasn't.

Hearts yesterday put up as the spokesman for the club Malofeev's translator. A Russian by the name of Alex Kozlovski, who admitted he could not talk about team selection, tactics or players.

He didn't know anything about Riabovas, other than to say he hadn't been involved in training and didn't think he was coming toTynecastle.

It couldn't have been more ridiculous if Hearts had shoved Borat in front of the cameras and asked him to speak on their behalf.

It wasn't Kozlovski's fault, of course. Nor was it the fault of the excellent people in the club's PR department, who will have one hell of a best-seller on their hands the day the Romanov circus packs its bags and heads home.

They all dance to their boss's tune and yesterday was merely Kozlovski's turn to do the cha-chat. The only problem was he had nothing to talk about.

The Russian claimed his main role at Hearts is to deal with contracts but since Malofeev was elevated to the dug-out he has been used as a translator on the training pitch and during match days.

He said: "I am a sport director. It involves doing everything to help improve our football. In practical terms, I am giving this interview right now.

"I am employed to deal with players' contracts because of my previous experience. I have worked with many football agents and was based in Londonfor 17years.

"I was a player in the Soviet Union and worked with Malofeev when he was my coach at Dynamo Minsk.

"But we have a new coach, Eduard Malofeev, and he used to be my coach as well. It happens that I help him by being a translator and by communicating with the players.

"Eduard asked me to take the press conference because my English is a little bit better than his. He thinks I can save you time by speaking to you directly."

That' snice. But what about the game, Alex?Are you going to play 4-5-1?"I don't know - it is up to the coach," he said.

So, how much of an input do you have into team selection and how you play?

"Me? If I translate properly, my input will be quite high," he added. "But the team selection is better to be discussed with the head coach."

Exactly.

Just to absolutely clarify the situation, the translator was asked to confirm that he has nothing to do with the coaching, nothing to do with the team selection and nothing to do with the tactics at Tynecastle. He answered: "Me? Nothing."

So, why are you speaking to us then?

"Don't ask me any questions if you don't want to."

That was the problem - there were loads of questions to be asked but nobody to answer them and the word leaking out of Riccarton yesterday was that this was exactly the way Romanov wanted it.

He hates the Press with a paranoid passion and has decided it is getting next to nothing. Which would be fair enough if it didn't mean the supporters are also getting next to nothing.

So, we pressed on. Kozlovski was asked about the mysterious appearance of Riabovas, who will take in the Hibs match before returning to Kaunas on Thursday. For how long, who knows?

Kozlovski said: "There is no role (for Riabovas). He is here for professional improvement. He came to see us training to improve forhis team in Lithuania.

"He did not get involved in coaching, he was just observing. He has no link with Hearts. I don't know about his links with Mr Romanov, I only met him for two minutes."

But Kozlovski does know about contracts, so surely he could shed light on fans' favourite Julien Brellier's situation. Apparently not.

He said: "It's premature to say because his contract isn't up until the summer. But we always negotiate with the players to make them happy. Not just with Brellierbutwith every other player."

A recent poll of Hearts fans revealed 90 per cent of them believed Brellier should never be out of the team.

That information provided an acidic response from the translator. "Then 90 per cent should apply for the head manager's job," was the answer.

He added: "In sport, the best players should be on the pitch. Nothing to do with negotiations over contracts, or to do with family or any other things. Just those who are the best in training and in games should be playing.

"Football is about opinions. My opinion is if we have 25 or 30 players, they are all fit to be in the first team. We have 25or30good players."

And that was that. No team news, although Steven Pressley will befit after a virus.

Presumably the press conference before Monday night's game against Falkirk will be more informative.

Rumour has it Tynie Tiger, the club mascot, is taking that one.

Taken from the Daily Record