Keepingas Quietus all set to fill boots of Elvis

THE "Elvis has left the building" line has had the backside ripped right out of it over the past few days, so I won't even go there. Actually, he hasn't so much left the building as been flung out through the window by one of Vladimir Romanov's henchmen.

Steven Pressley will be available for bailing, or perhaps running, out of Tynecastle in the January sales. Romanov truly has sickened him, and he's not the only one. Hearts fans could go for a night on the bevvy with Steve Paterson and still not be left spewing as much as they are right now.

Pressley's situation should spark a fair bit of interest from managers and chairmen of other clubs up and down the country. Like David Murray, for example. It is the fashion these days, the mid-season transfer when the window opens, and we all know how stylish big Elvis is. Must be the haircut folk go for.

For others, this Christmas shopping lark really isn't that easy. Especially when your missus can splash the cash faster than Dick Advocaat. Still, you could be one of the Old Firm struggling to get any pressies because other Scottish clubs won't gift-wrap shiny new toys for them at half the price. I mean, the cheek of some folk.

Rangers and Celtic, the Santa Clauses of Scottish football, are giving it a deep-throated "Ho-ho-ho" at the moment as they try to capitalise on all the "get up and go" around, Pressley's included. But for Christmas scrooges, look no further than the rest of the SPL. Motherwell want a small fortune for Scott McDonald, and Scott Brown and Kevin Thomson's prices at Hibs are rising by the minute. The last glance at the Easter Road stock exchange before going to print denoted their values at £6million each. So, Scotty slaps in a transfer request.

Derek Riordan must have told him that if you move to Glasgow you watch your team's games in the pub and still get paid. "Hunners mair, Scotty. Hunners. Enough for two Playstations."

Everybody, it seems, is seeking pastures new, for that time is creeping up on us once again. The January transfer window has become a bigger event than a decent performance by Filip Sebo, and consequently everybody now wants in on it. Meanwhile, come February 1, the media are left with about as much get up and go as Rab C Nesbitt on Temazepam. Covering all the to-ing and fro-ing takes it's toll, you know.

Already there's been chopping and changing galore and we've only just entered December. Eduard Malofeev has gone back to Russia to sit a coaching course that doesn't award gold stars and a smiley face for piggy-back lessons. Fernando Ricksen is also remaining in Russia, although I do wonder if that's because no airline would allow him on their planes to fly home. Russell Anderson may soon be the latest recruit to the Ibrox bench (has Riordan been speaking to him about life in Glasgow as well?). We certainly look set for a festive season of frantic activity. With the introduction of the transfer window, the days when a new signing could arrive at any minute are gone. Okay, except at Hearts. There will be at least one place available in the squad at Tynecastle when Pressley departs, and doubtless there will be a Lithuanian at FBK Kaunas earmarked for it. Some centre-back called Keepingas Quietus.

The Tynecastle superstore is now stocking the club's official advent calendar, where each door unveils a different manager's face for every day of the Christmas countdown. Pressley might have featured on that in a year or two. His face would have been in the window after Romanov's.

Taken from the Scotsman