No need to send in the clowns at the Hearts circus

AT THE end of another bewildering day at Hearts, the deteriorating relationship between the club and the media was summed up sharply when a photographer took a picture of the empty seats lurking behind a desk festooned with microphones in the press room.

The significance of the image was embedded in the fact that once again Hearts had declined to send a representative of the coaching staff to discuss team affairs in advance of tomorrow's SPL match against Rangers.

Anyone looking for clarification on whether or not Steven Pressley, following an attempt earlier this week to oust him from the captaincy, will return to the fray at Tynecastle could whistle Dixie for it.

There's always a hoo-ha of some kind or another engulfing Hearts these days and yesterday's stushie concerned a story in the Edinburgh Evening News which suggested a consortium of unnamed businessmen wanted to buy out majority shareholder Vladimir Romanov. Even this failed to satisfy the appetite for drama when it emerged that no-one had made Vlad an offer and, even if they did, he wasn't interested.

The imminent collision of Scottish football's crisis clubs in tomorrow's live game on Setanta had prompted an even larger than usual turn-out of TV and radio people, as well as daily and Sunday newspaper journalists, to record the club's thoughts on a headline grabbing week of bust-ups off the field and more underachievement on it against Falkirk. Only it turns out that Romanov likes to run Hearts more like hardline Russian president Leonid Brezhnev than Mikhail Gorbachev, the architect of glasnost.

There's no glasnost at Hearts. In a deliberate policy of minimal co-operation with the media (a direct punishment for debating Romanov's confused leadership) the club has laid itself open to the charge of treating its supporters and the wider footballing public with a lack of respect. Anyone surprised by this response, of course, need only recall the similar disregard shown to former manager George Burley, former chairman George Foulkes and Steven Pressley among a cast of disillusioned souls too numerous to mention.

With no-one of authority at Hearts to interview, TV cameras filmed the puzzled looks on journalists' faces before interviewing a lone dissident supporter with a banner in support of Pressley outside the club's training academy at Riccarton. Apparently the original banner was grander, but a spelling mistake trimmed the breadth of the protest.

Because no member of the coaching staff was available to discuss team matters - remember Valdas Ivanauskas, the head coach, is absent on indefinite sick leave; interim coach Eduard Malofeev is in charge for the last time against Rangers; and the current Kaunas coach, Eugenijus Riabovas, steps into the hot seat temporarily on Monday - it was left to Ibrahim Tall to undergo a light grilling.

The Senegalese internationalist is a pleasant young man who tried to answer difficult questions to the best of his ability.

The only problem was the 25-year-old former Sochaux defender spoke so quietly in English that a loud hailer was required to pick up his French accent. And when the photographers' flashes went off as he spoke, he was drowned out altogether, causing a minor skirmish between exasperated scribblers and frustrated snappers.

Tall, of course, knows only too well how it feels to be a victim of club politics. When he joined Hearts on a reputed weekly wage of £8000 last year (he was signed by Romanov rather than Burley), Tall spent seven months in obscurity before making his debut in April.

"We have a big game on Sunday, and the players all want to think about the match against Rangers," he said diplomatically. "We haven't won for one and a half months. So it's important for us to win at home and there's no problem in the dressing-room. We're all together."

Asked what he thought of Pressley as a person and a player, Tall added: "Steven is a very good player and a very good guy. I admire his leadership of the team.

"But I can't speak about his situation. I don't know what happened. Steven is an international footballer and we need all of our good players to win the game against Rangers. In my opinion, he's a good captain and I'd like him to continue."

Life is different at Hearts. Tall recalled that when he played in France he worked under the same manager for three years. Three weeks is now about the lifespan of the head coach at Tynecastle. "It's not a problem for the players because all the managers are good," whispered Tall, not altogether convincingly.

During this latest exercise in non-communication at Riccarton, it struck me how anyone who covers the affairs of Heart of Midlothian this season could do worse than immerse themselves in a copy of Catch 22, Joseph Heller's comic novel about the Second World War where one of the characters, Major Major, only lets people into his office when he's out.

The first time we hear what Catch 22 means is when Yossarian's room mate, Orr, faces a conundrum. According to Doc Daneeka: "Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them."

The variation on Catch 22 being played out at Tynecastle is that if you're a talented, strong-minded footballer, who played a key role last season in winning the Scottish Cup and helped secure second place in the SPL (think of Takis Fyssas, Julien Brellier, Steven Pressley, Robbie Neilson and Paul Hartley) then you can look forward to being dropped. On the other hand, if you're a footballer of middling ability with questionable commitment (think of Saulius Mikoliunas, Marius Zaliukas or Nerijus Barasa) then you'll be selected on a regular basis.

Honestly, you couldn't make it up.
Berra's captain's log

IN WHAT could be an indication of Steven Pressley's future at Hearts, the club captain's column in the match programme for tomorrow's meeting with Rangers has been replaced by an article written by Christophe Berra.

Earlier this week, it emerged that Berra has been identified as a successor to the out-of-favour Hearts captain, and he led the team in Pressley's absence at Falkirk on Monday night.

Taken from the Scotsman